It's Time...

There is so much change happening around me these days. It's almost been a year and a half since my last entry and I felt the sudden urge to spill my words once more in hopes that it will help clear my mind for this new chapter in my life. I'm 26 years old now (I think..... I stopped keeping up with it after the infamous 21) and am about to embark on the journey of a lifetime... I'm moving out of my home state, permanently. I have always dreamed of this day and anticipated driving off with the wind in my hair and not a care on earth smiling as the sun set slowing behind me... Theatrical, epic, compelling, and final. Well, that's how I always pictured it. Yet, now that is day is only weeks away, a complex blend of emotions has welled inside of me. I think of people, places, and things that I may never see again... My family, my friends... The places that I escaped to as a child and as a teenager... This area has been my existence and what was once a site of some silly fleeting memories is now a serious reflection and a quiet thankful moment for all its influences.

My greatest fear is for those closest to me. I'm moving to North Carolina to start a new life with my partner... and for that, I could not be more thrilled. Nevertheless, I am reminded on the sad ending to movie when I leave the ones I love here knowing that it is all too possible I may never see some of them again. My best friend on earth has been living with me for the past 6 months. We have repeatedly stated over the past 10 or 15 years that one day we would live together... and I have to say, it has been fantastic. We have always been close over the years but this time living in such close quarters has created a new dimension and a new appreciation for our friendship. Even though we are thick as thieves, when we live away from each other, we easily loose touch. At least that is the track record we have kept in the past... and now that we have grown so much closer, this end result sinks a sadness deep in my heart. I can only hope that our past will not repeat itself, but it that is what is meant to be, I will at least be able to carry this time together in my heart wherever I go and refer back to it like an old picture yellow with age.

To the woman whose spark lit a flame in my heart and whose love beacons me East, I can only say that I have no reservations for my decision. I carry with me the confidence that I am on the right path... the path I was always meant to take... the road that leads to her arms and her smile. I am not so blindly sure that we will always agree nor that some perfect, flawless, life awaits me... but I am certain that no matter the mountain, no matter the challenge, no matter the effort needed... within the two of us is a driving desire to build a life founded on trust, communication, honest, and commitment. That's all anyone should ever want really... Everything else is easy when you find the person that will devote as much of themselves as you do to whatever cause is important to either... or to both. I love her more than words could begin to describe. She brings me to life everyday and I know I'm blessed to be the lucky one that getting to love her and be loved by her.

Perhaps, the feeling that I am mistaking for fear is actually exhilaration. It's finally time to take that giant leap of faith and dive in... whose knows what I may be writing about then...